Gay marriage...

Having grown up in a military family, I was rather prone to bouts of the gypsy foot before I became a father. If there was a chance to visit someplace I had never been, I was usually front and center with my bags packed in a matter of minutes.

Road trips have taken me all over the United States, including family trips with my parents from South Carolina to Texas, then to Idaho before heading back to the palmetto state. After high school, most of my friends were inclined to taking rather unexpected road trips, making it possible for me to explore much of the central U.S. And the East Coast.

Unfortunately, one of the few states I've never had the chance to visit is California, and trust me, it's taken a great deal of self control to keep me from running off to Los Angeles or Hollywood, especially during my rock star years.

So, needless to say, I cast a longing eye toward the Golden State quite often. And, especially lately, I haven't had to look far in the nationwide news to hear and see California, which is currently the epicenter of the battle to either legalize or ban gay marriage. Hey, San Francisco is in California, so go figure.

On one side of the issue you have gay rights activists who view Proposition 8 — the narrowly passed 2008 referendum passed by the state banning gay marriage just five months after the state Supreme Court legalized gay marriage — as a major blow to their civil liberties.

On the other side of the fence are the National Organization for Marriage and the American Family Association, along with an overwhelming number of Americans that insist marriage should not be allowed by any couple other than a man and a woman.

Prop 8 was recently upended by Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker, who ruled last week voter-enacted ban "singles out gays and lesbians and legitimates their unequal treatment."

And now, as the battle lines continue to deepen, supporters of the ban are attacking Walker's sexual orientation, saying if he's a homosexual he can't provide an impartial opinion on the matter. I say “if” because Walker has yet to confirm or deny rumors he's gay.

Now, I've heard both arguments for and against gay marriage a million times over the years, and trust me, there are more than enough homophobes out there to make those seeking to legalize gay unions a minority. More often than not, those I've talked to couldn't care less if “gay unions” were legalized, they simply don't want the word “marriage” to be used.

Go figure.

What amazes me is here we are, more than 2,000 years after Jesus, more than 40 years after Martin Luther King Jr., arguing over the civil liberties of our fellow mankind. Human kind finally smartened up and recognized all men — and women — are created equal and entitled to the same pursuit of happiness... As long as they are heterosexual.

Again, go figure.

These are sad times, people. Some day our children are going to look back at this issue and wonder just what in the heck people were thinking, much like I wonder when I look back at past generations that thought slavery was a good, fair practice, and women weren't smart enough to have a say in the election of politicians who, for the most part, were dumber than a bag of hammers to begin with.

I say, if gay people want to get married, let them. Why should heterosexuals have a corner on the misery market? What gives them the right to spare gay men and women the right to drag through long, painful, financially and emotionally devastating divorces? Monopolies are wrong, people.

As it stands, two terrorists can get married on a pile of AK-47s, exchange hand grenades instead of vows and spit anti-American epithets while a bouquet gets tossed in the air, and as long as they are male and female, organizations like the National Organization for Marriage and the American Family Association are cool with it. Am I the only person that sees the hypocrisy in that?

At the very least, it's going to be interesting to see how the battle for and against Prop 8 gets hammered out. Maybe they will go with a compromise similar to the “don't ask, don't tell” method used by the U.S. Military. I mean, let's be honest, it's already pretty tough to tell if some folks are male or female already.

In the end, I go back to the words of the wise and colorful Mike Epps (OK, so he's probably not very wise, but he's definitely colorful), who said, “Don't hate, appreciate.” And if anyone can appreciate the legalization of gay marriage, it's your local divorce lawyers, who have been missing out on cashing in on those lesbian and homosexual break-ups long enough.

And, if the legalization of gay marriage somehow spawns the armageddon and life on this plannet as we know it ends in a fiery blaze, we can do what we Texans have done for many, many years... Blame it on those dang Californians.