Religion, anyone?

As a journalist, there are certain topics you simply avoid from time to time. Some of them are simple, like the difference between the words “effect” and “affect,” which still gives me fits as a professional writer. Others are more volatile, such as the powder kegs known as religion and politics.

Unfortunately, the ostrich method — simply sticking your head in the sand so you don't have to deal with the issue — does little to help things, and, by most standards, just makes them worse.

So, in the interest of self-help, I've decided to write an entire series of columns on topics most of us have absolutely no desire to tackle because of their volatility or “ick” factor. Think of it like Mike Rowe's television show “Dirty Jobs,” but instead of wading through sewage or getting kicked by a muddy, angry mule, we'll be discussing today's “dirty” topics.

In trying to decide what would be my second topic in this series — the first was on racism and stereotypes — I asked my friends and family for their input. However, I didn't ask them what I should cover, I asked them what I shouldn't write about. And, just as I suspected, the frontrunner was unanimous: religion.

Now, relax. I'm not about to rifle off into massive diatribes denouncing people's faiths — or even their lack of faith — in this column. As we all know, there are enough religions and denominations of religions to choke a horse, and, not surprisingly, each is convinced they have the right ideas about God and the afterlife.

And while theories — ranging from the Church of Euthanasia's belief we need a better balance between humans and the other creatures of the Earth to the Nation of Yahweh's belief black people are the “true Jews” — are as different as the people who follow them, there is one universal truth: In today's world, religion is big business.

However, this really isn't a news flash. In fact, it's been going on since the days of the Egyptian pharaohs, with Roman emperor Constantine giving it legal validity around 313 A.D. with his edict of Toleration, which gave Christianity parity with pagan religions and, eventually, saw the Catholic church become wealthy through pagan decrees, tax exemptions and immunity from military service.

The trend continued in the sixth century with Pope Gregory the Great (590-604 A.D.). who was the greatest slave and landowner in the world. He announced the "end of the world," at which time slave owners were told to turn their money and property over to the Church. I wonder how many churchgoers kicked themselves for going along with that one?

And while it may seem like I'm picking on the Catholic church at this point, I promise you that is not my intention. Simply speaking, the Catholic church was one of the few churches to maintain historic records that can still be validated today, making it the most verifiable.

Of course, we've all seen at least one minister, pastor, reverend or preacher drive down the street in their Cadillac, on the way back to their mansion-esque home with the in-ground swimming pool and acres of rolling, well-manicured lawns. Not so long ago it was the Jim and Tammy Bakkers of the world, jetting from one resort to the next under the guise of doing God's work.

Today, however, the wolves have learned to keep their personal spending habits under better wraps. And while being less blatant about it may help their image, it does nothing to help change the feeling among many people that religion is more about the offering plate than ministering to the weak and infirm.

I recently read a report that studied the growth of religious beliefs tracked by census information in countries like Norway, Switzerland and other countries in Northern Europe. Unlike the U.S., these countries gather information on religious affiliation as part of their counts.

The latest trend identified by those studies might be somewhat frightening for the less-than-holy religious leaders of the world. The number of people without a religious affiliation is steadily growing, leading many scientists to predict the whole thing will eventually follow the “majority effect,” which states people will tend to follow the majority on these types of issues.

Now, on one hand I can certainly understand why we would see this type of trend. I mean, how many times can someone say the world is ending — several such “dates” were extolled by the Seventh Day Adventists since its inception in 1844 — before people begin to look at you funny. Let's not forget the Heaven's Gate cult, whose leaders convinced 38 followers to commit suicide so their souls could take a ride on a spaceship they believed was hiding behind a comet carrying Jesus.

Seriously... Google it if you don't believe me.

As the world's knowledge of these bilkers and scam artists increases, skepticism grows, gains strength and could eventually wipe religion from the face of the Earth. And while this thought may make most atheists grin from ear to ear, do you honestly think the world would be a “better” place without the ethical and moral guidance of most religions?

I seriously doubt it.

So, Thomas, what can we do to help right these wrongs? OK, so no one is going to actually ask that question, and if they do it certainly won't be addressed to me. However, I'm going to chip in my two cents.

First and foremost, we have to start holding our clergymen to a higher standard, which includes demanding fiscal transparency. Knowing how much money you have and what you're spending it on is the first step to getting things back on the right foot, which, in this case, is making sure the money and resources are going to actually helping people, and not to fancy cars or swanky homes and hotel rooms.

There are a lot of small churches in our community that will continually do more good for those in need than the larger, wealthier churches. Maybe it's because those smaller churches are closer to their blue-collar roots. Maybe it's simply a matter of temptation, and, if given the chance, they would be just as gluttonous as the big boys if they had the chance. Take your pick.

In the end, however, I hope you'll understand I'm not denouncing religion, regardless of how quirky or weird — Raëlism is the religious, naturalist belief system promoted by the Raëlian Movement, an atheist UFO religion founded in 1970s — it may sound. However, I think it's high time we hold our religious leaders responsible for how resources and funds are doled out.

For example, the Catholic church's Vatican is believed to hold assets in excess of $10 billion. According to SmartMoney magazine, religious funds now control more than $27 billion in assets, up from $10 billion in the late 1990s, making it one of the hottest sectors in the broader category of socially responsible funds.

Then again, I might just be ticked that a preacher borrowed my denim jacket nearly 20 years ago and still hasn't returned it. The world may never know.